You know the ones I'm talking about. they operate out of Mumbai or Kashmir, and since they're outside of the EU, they view OFCOM and TPS with mocking eyes. They're also the ones with the automated system that call 5 numbers at once, connects to the first line that connects, then leaves the other 4 with dead air. Illegal in the UK, there, not so much.
We've got this phone with a digital display, which is bloody handy as I can choose who to ignore, which is mainly anyone I don't know. Luckily I know how to work a compootah so a quick trip to google lets me know who just called, and I can plan accordingly.
There's a new scam doing the rounds, which I wasn't actually aware of until my chums at DVDreviewer enlightened me. They call you up and claim to be from the Windows help desk, and ask if your PC is running slow and/or crashing a lot. Now, i'm lucky, in that I'm a PC geek without being a collosal geek. I don't know what TCP/IP means but i have just spent 5 days fixing a laptop with 120 viruses using the existing OS without a recovery disc or access to the bios. It's just knowledge I've accumulated over the last 10 years, and I just do it. Don't ask me to write it down, I wouldn't know where to start.
Anyway,. with this knowledge in tow, and with these videos in mind, I was delighted when 'International Unavailable' came up on the display and I received the following call;
Me: Hello?
Them (pause - click): Hallo sir, I amcallingfromthewindowshelpdesk...
Me: Whoa whoa whoa. What the fuck was that?
Them: (pause) ... Iamcallingfromthewind...
Me: STOP STOP STOP!! I cannot understand a bloody word you're saying. Are you reading that?
Them: errr.. I.. am.. calling.. from...
Me: You taking the piss?
Them: No sir, I am calling from the Windows helpdesk. Do you have problems with your compeeyutar running slowly or crashing?
Me: no
Them: you do not have any problems with your computer running slowly or crashing?
Me: (bored) I just said that. Was that not on your script? Did that throw you?
Them:... (thrown).. so your computer is running ok?
Me: Yes, it is, It should be, I built it myself
Them: Are you a windows technician?
Me: I might as well be, I probably know more about computers than you do
Them: I'm sorry sir?
Me: I said I probably know more about computers than you do.
Them: Well, that's probably not true, I am..
Me: How do you defrag a hard drive?
Them: uh...
Me: How do you open a command console?
Them: ...
Me: what do you enter into the run command to open up the directX settings?
Them: well, I won't take up any more of your time...
Me: Hang on, hang on. You DO know everyone knows about this, don't you?
Them: Sorry?
Me: what were you going to get me to do?
Them: Pardon?
Me: You were going to make me visit a fake website that would put a virus on my computer, weren't you?
Them: uh, no sir, Like I said, I am from the wind...
Me: No you're not, you're trying to get me to visit logmein123.com and install a virus on my PC so you can steal all my personal information. Everybody knows about this, you're insulting my intelligence by even speaking to me.
Them: I am not trying to make you...
Me: Get a real job (click, brrrrr)
That felt good. I wasn't actaully angry or aggressive, I'm just a good actor. So, a few hours later, I get this..
Me: Hello?
Them (pause - click): Hulloo, am I speaking with Annabel?
Me: Do I sound like a woman?
Them: Oh, I'm sorry, is this Peter?
Me: Yes
Them: How are you today?
Me: Actually, I'm crap, I've got an infected tattoo I've just had to pay £7.20 for a bloody prescription, my hernia's playing up and I've got a bastard of a headache.
Them: Ah, Good. I'm calling you today from your home town of ash...forrd...
Me: No you're not
Them: ah
Me: If you're going to call me, in my home, don't lie to me
Them: click brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
This is the key, once you hear that pause, then the click, then the indian accent, get them on the back foot immediately. Don't get angry, but try to sound it, it's more fun that way. They are wasting your time and insulting your intelligence by speaking to you.
However, they're not all from India, Carphone warehouse are pissing a lot of people lately by employing an agency to convince you you're due for an upgrade.
Best advice, register with TPS (telephone prerence service) and when they call, tell them you're registered. When they say TPS doesn't apply to them, start filling out a TPS complaint form with them on the phone and ask them all the questions. They'll soon get the gist.
Anyway, since I started my non-aggressive resistance of their bullshit calls, we haven't had a call from them in over a month, when before they'd call us 3 times a day.
03 October 2010
10 August 2010
Using a years theme park access to spy on humanity
For the last year, using the miracle of Tesco Clubcard rewards, my family and I have enjoyed everything that The Merlin Annual Pass has to offer. Without sounding like a corporate kiss-ass, I heartily recommend everyone gets one of these if you can afford it. We couldn't, hence the clubcard thing.
Anyhoo, we've done Alton Towers twice, Chessington about 5 times and I'm taking Luke back there the day before they expire. Thorpe Park twice (once on my own on a tuesday - thoroughly enjoyed myself) and Legoland a few times. We also went to Warwick Castle, which is actually a better 'family day out' than the other places, which can end up being days filled with stress, arguments, and crying kids because mummy and daddy wouldn't spend £8 on a mug.
That's one of the main things I noticed about these places, is that a lot of people leave the exit gates at the end of the day looking thoroughly miserable, and probably wishing they'd never come, especially as most of the locations now charge for the car park.
The majority of these people fall into one of several categories..
The Not-Exactly-Forward Thinkers
Two sub-sets: Large groups of lads or loved-up couples. They're the ones that rush to do a ride or two as soon as they get in, then have a bite to eat, after this they'll pass one of the sideshow stalls, the rigged throw the basketball, climb the ladder, hook-the-fish that initially looks easy, but it's up to the Alpha male of each subset to display his skill and prowess, and should he succeed, he'll win a stupidly huge stuffed thing, normally a snake, banana, or in the case of the couple, a cute heart with arms and legs. For the next half hour, the prize will be proudly displayed atop shoulders. After this time, the obvious sets in. It's cumbersome, awkward, you can't take it on any rides, and frankly, you look a bit of a tit if you haven't got any kids with you. Good luck squeezing it into the car for the long trip home, lads.
The Confused Foreigners
Mainly Middle-Eastern, Arabian. many wives and children in tow. The male offspring are pushy little shits, but hey-ho, that's them and all that. The girls, however, are essentially released into the park to fend for themselves. Best way to describe how this group is to relate what happened while I was queueing for Sonic Spinball at Alton Towers, which summed up everything I'd seen over the past year.
So I'm standing in the single-rider queue, waiting bloody ages and staring at Beth, one of the ride attendants who obviously forgot her Playtex that morning (EE madam?) when this giggling alerted me to a group of girls in the main queue. All wearing colourful headscarves that showed their faces, they looked about 14-16. Saudi, I'd guess. Anyhoo, they've all got expensive purses and clothing, and they're watching the cars, which seat 4 at a time, get loaded and set off on the track. If you have any bags or loose items, you hand them to Beth (...sigh...). So it comes to their turn, and 5 of them try to get on at once, with their bags, and look very confused when Beth (...) tells them they have to hand in their bags, and that only 4 can ride. So the whole ride shuts down while these 5 girls try to figure out who gets left behind, and they finally release their vice-like grip on their bags. So 4 sit in the car, one stays behind looking VERY awkward and alone, as if she's been shunned. She doesn't have long to wait as the ride only lasts a minute or so, and all 4 girls come back in their car with their headscarves all over the bloody place. The lone rider sees this and brightens up considerably, and refuses to go on the ride.
Later that day I see the father of these girls screaming blue murder at Guest Services, apparently declaring that the ride has defiled his daughters' modesty. A great time was had by all
The "I've paid a shitload of money for this, I can be as scummy as I want" type
That's almost a direct quote. Second time we went last week, a small family were behind us in the queue for the Sky Ride, which takes you to the back of a park. Saves bloody walking. Anyway the mother is smoking, and passes a sign about the designated smoking areas of the park, and that patrons are kindly requested to only smoke in these areas. Just makes it nicer for everyone else. Not so. "I've spent a load of money getting here, I'll smoke where I want. What are they gonna do? Fucking chuck me out?" Spoken like a true Chav, in front of her kids and within earshot of several other children. Sadly, they joined us in our gondola, and proceeded to impress us with her skills in guessing how old my kids are "See? I were right". Yes, well done, you've won a tumor, please go away.
Sadly, our passes expire at the end of the month, and we won't renew, not this year anyway. It's not the time it takes to get to the parks, or the cost of the fuel to get there, or the expensive... everything at the parks themselves. I do believe it was Jean-Paul Satre that said 'Hell is other people'. He obviously had to queue 2 hours for a 30 second rollercoaster one too many times as well.
(PS, one thing I did notice, out of the 5 major parks I went to, SAW: The Ride at Thorpe Park is the ONLY one where there were signs around the queue line that supplied a phone number where you could report anti-social or aggressive behaviour. Not particularly interesting, but I thought it was worth a mention)
Anyhoo, we've done Alton Towers twice, Chessington about 5 times and I'm taking Luke back there the day before they expire. Thorpe Park twice (once on my own on a tuesday - thoroughly enjoyed myself) and Legoland a few times. We also went to Warwick Castle, which is actually a better 'family day out' than the other places, which can end up being days filled with stress, arguments, and crying kids because mummy and daddy wouldn't spend £8 on a mug.
That's one of the main things I noticed about these places, is that a lot of people leave the exit gates at the end of the day looking thoroughly miserable, and probably wishing they'd never come, especially as most of the locations now charge for the car park.
The majority of these people fall into one of several categories..
The Not-Exactly-Forward Thinkers
Two sub-sets: Large groups of lads or loved-up couples. They're the ones that rush to do a ride or two as soon as they get in, then have a bite to eat, after this they'll pass one of the sideshow stalls, the rigged throw the basketball, climb the ladder, hook-the-fish that initially looks easy, but it's up to the Alpha male of each subset to display his skill and prowess, and should he succeed, he'll win a stupidly huge stuffed thing, normally a snake, banana, or in the case of the couple, a cute heart with arms and legs. For the next half hour, the prize will be proudly displayed atop shoulders. After this time, the obvious sets in. It's cumbersome, awkward, you can't take it on any rides, and frankly, you look a bit of a tit if you haven't got any kids with you. Good luck squeezing it into the car for the long trip home, lads.
The Confused Foreigners
Mainly Middle-Eastern, Arabian. many wives and children in tow. The male offspring are pushy little shits, but hey-ho, that's them and all that. The girls, however, are essentially released into the park to fend for themselves. Best way to describe how this group is to relate what happened while I was queueing for Sonic Spinball at Alton Towers, which summed up everything I'd seen over the past year.
So I'm standing in the single-rider queue, waiting bloody ages and staring at Beth, one of the ride attendants who obviously forgot her Playtex that morning (EE madam?) when this giggling alerted me to a group of girls in the main queue. All wearing colourful headscarves that showed their faces, they looked about 14-16. Saudi, I'd guess. Anyhoo, they've all got expensive purses and clothing, and they're watching the cars, which seat 4 at a time, get loaded and set off on the track. If you have any bags or loose items, you hand them to Beth (...sigh...). So it comes to their turn, and 5 of them try to get on at once, with their bags, and look very confused when Beth (...) tells them they have to hand in their bags, and that only 4 can ride. So the whole ride shuts down while these 5 girls try to figure out who gets left behind, and they finally release their vice-like grip on their bags. So 4 sit in the car, one stays behind looking VERY awkward and alone, as if she's been shunned. She doesn't have long to wait as the ride only lasts a minute or so, and all 4 girls come back in their car with their headscarves all over the bloody place. The lone rider sees this and brightens up considerably, and refuses to go on the ride.
Later that day I see the father of these girls screaming blue murder at Guest Services, apparently declaring that the ride has defiled his daughters' modesty. A great time was had by all
The "I've paid a shitload of money for this, I can be as scummy as I want" type
That's almost a direct quote. Second time we went last week, a small family were behind us in the queue for the Sky Ride, which takes you to the back of a park. Saves bloody walking. Anyway the mother is smoking, and passes a sign about the designated smoking areas of the park, and that patrons are kindly requested to only smoke in these areas. Just makes it nicer for everyone else. Not so. "I've spent a load of money getting here, I'll smoke where I want. What are they gonna do? Fucking chuck me out?" Spoken like a true Chav, in front of her kids and within earshot of several other children. Sadly, they joined us in our gondola, and proceeded to impress us with her skills in guessing how old my kids are "See? I were right". Yes, well done, you've won a tumor, please go away.
Sadly, our passes expire at the end of the month, and we won't renew, not this year anyway. It's not the time it takes to get to the parks, or the cost of the fuel to get there, or the expensive... everything at the parks themselves. I do believe it was Jean-Paul Satre that said 'Hell is other people'. He obviously had to queue 2 hours for a 30 second rollercoaster one too many times as well.
(PS, one thing I did notice, out of the 5 major parks I went to, SAW: The Ride at Thorpe Park is the ONLY one where there were signs around the queue line that supplied a phone number where you could report anti-social or aggressive behaviour. Not particularly interesting, but I thought it was worth a mention)
11 June 2010
Well, what the hell happened there?
Complete lack of inspiration, that's what, plus, I was kinda distracted...
He kinda takes a lot of the concentration away from spouting drivel via a keyboard, but it's calmed down a bit now.
I DO have a couple of things cooking, but I tend to start something, barrel along at an incredible rate, then realise I have no clue where I'm going with it.
So, C+, must try harder. I'll see what I can do
He kinda takes a lot of the concentration away from spouting drivel via a keyboard, but it's calmed down a bit now.
I DO have a couple of things cooking, but I tend to start something, barrel along at an incredible rate, then realise I have no clue where I'm going with it.
So, C+, must try harder. I'll see what I can do
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